Bill Carruthers, 74

We tried various positions – round the back, on the side, up against a wall.

But in the end we came to the conclusion the bottom of the garden was the

only place for a good shed.

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Nick Enwright, 86

She stood before me, trembling in my shed, “I’m yours for the night,” she gasped,

“You can do whatever you want with me.”  So I took her down the pub.

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Ted Roberts, 79

She knelt before me on the shed floor and tugged gently at first,

then harder until finally it came. I moaned with pleasure.

Now for the other boot.

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Tom Entwhistle, 73

Ever since she read THAT book, I’ve had to buy all kinds of ropes,

chains and shackles. She still manages to get into the shed, though.

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Jack Farthing, 78

“Put on this rubber suit and mask,” I instructed, calmly.  “Mmmm, kinky!” she purred.

“Yes,” I said, “You can’t be too careful with all that asbestos in the shed roof.”

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John Hardcastle, 72

“I’m a very naughty girl,” she said, biting her lip. “I need to be punished.”

So I invited my Mother to stay for the weekend.

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Colin Horrocks, 65

“Harder!” she cried, gripping the workbench tightly. “Harder!”

“Okay,” I said. “What’s the gross national product of Nicaragua ?”

------------------------------ ------------------------------ -----------------

Malcolm Riddock, 75

I lay back exhausted, gazing happily out of the shed window.

Despite my concerns about my inexperience, my rhubarb had come up a treat.

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Allen Cardly, 74

“Are you sure you can take the pain?” she demanded, brandishing stilettos.

“I think so,” I gulped.

“Here we go, then,” she said, and showed me the shop receipt.

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Humphrey Landsdowne, 56

Hurt me!” she begged, raising her skirt as she bent over my workbench.

“Very well,” I replied. “You’ve got a fat arse and no dress sense.”

------------------------------ ------------------------------ -----------------

Nicholas Benchley, 53

“Are you sure you want this?” I asked.

“When I’m done, you won’t be able to sit down for weeks.” She nodded.

“Okay,” I said, putting the three-piece lounge furniture on eBay.

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Toby Williams, 60

“Punish me!” she cried. “Make me suffer like only a real man can!”

“Very well,” I replied, leaving the toilet seat up.